


Screw You

by Idreamofhazel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x01 meta, BAMF Sam Winchester, Captivity, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt Sam Winchester, Psychological Torture, Sassy Sam Winchester, Season/Series 12, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, sam winchester meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 09:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8281513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idreamofhazel/pseuds/Idreamofhazel
Summary: A deeper look into Sam during 12x01. Because "Screw you." And "I've been tortured by the devil himself. What can you do to me?"





	

When Sam wakes up with chains around his wrists and metal clamps keeping his feet against legs of a chair, he's disoriented for a moment. The anesthesia is wearing off and he takes in his surroundings, grounding himself. There's a sewer grate beneath his feet. His chair is wood. There's a staircase in front of him. And then he smirks. Because whoever has captured him trembles at the mere thought of him. Why else would they tie him up with metal and padlocks? 

When Toni comes in and starts in on her questions, superiority oozing out of her words like ectoplasm, Sam realizes his captors don't actually know that much about him. They were right to overestimate his strength, but they know nothing of his character. 

And they're really pissing him off. 

He's tired and grieving and his legs ache and he's lost Dean forever and he's trying to figure out how to go on, so when Toni insults his entire operation, the entire operations of all the men and women who have done nothing but give their lives up to fight evil, when she acts like Sam and Dean have personally pushed the button on all the apocalypses for fun and while completely informed, he tells her to go to hell. Because then maybe she would actually understand a thing or two about him. Maybe she would get a clue if she spent even five minutes in the cage. 

And "screw you" flies out of his mouth a few times, too, with as much bite as he can give it because Toni and her friend are screwed. Royally. Because even if Sam doesn't slit each of their throats personally, which he really feels like doing at the moment, he remembers that Cas is out there somewhere, pissed off and unhinged, too. Watching those two come face to face with Castiel would be entertaining. 

When they finally get the picture, that he isn’t going to immediately sell out the entire network of U.S. hunters, they think they can break him. The first round of pain is excruciating, but his cries and pleas reveal nothing about the state of his inner strength. He isn't breaking. They're only fusing parts of him together with the blowtorch, making him stronger. 

And when he wakes up again sometime later, free to move about and a bandage on his foot and something injected into his neck, he isn't fooled. He knows this is a trap or a “nice-guy move” or something to that effect. But despite knowing this, he'll take whatever opportunity he can get to escape or he’ll make one himself. 

Then there’s a sound blaring and piercing his ear drums, trying to break him in a different way, but the London Chapter did really poor research. His psychological torture has been equal to his physical. 

So, even when the visions pop up--Kevin. Mary. Meg. Jessica. Dean--they don't elicit anything he hasn't felt before. They hurt, though. He's reminded of his guilt, his shame, the way he's constantly blamed himself, but he'd be smearing their memories in the dirt if he let the feelings consume him. And he knows Dean's voice isn't real either. Sure, Dean's had a few choice words to say to Sam over the years, but he knows his brother. Dean feels just as guilty for a lot of deaths, too. And he would never tell Sam to kill himself. He stopped him from doing it once before. 

So he's able to push past the voices and the visions and the guilt and think of a plan. He grounds himself like he did before, with a cut on his palm, another “screw you” as he lies on the floor, pretending to be dead. And what a more perfect way to send Toni over the edge than to make her think he really believes everything is his fault. Because he's really sick and tired of people using that against him. So he's going to turn it around and use it against them. Take his pain and make it his weapon. 

And his huge act of defiance after Toni rushes in to see if he’s dead--his throat-grabbing, ankle-clawing shot at an escape--is the biggest “screw you” he can do. He's not going to give up. Ever. Even when Toni slams and locks the door on him again and he shouts and cries in desperation. Even when he feels completely alone, reminded of the fact that Dean's never coming to get him and that Cas won’t be able to find him for some time, he doesn’t give up. He’ll do whatever it takes the next time Toni opens that door. He’ll keep fighting because he owes it to himself and everyone he’s ever known to not let these women get the best of him. He hasn’t come this far to quit. He hasn’t saved the world over and over to be reduced to a raging, illiterate psychopath. And he and Dean _are_ heroes, and damn good ones at that. 

But for now, he needs to rest.


End file.
